Blessed

Hi family!

Yes, you all are family, not just friends and followers. It really does take a tribe, and I couldn’t travel this road without each and every one of you. You lift me up, make my days brighter, and are there for me to “talk” to, even on my hard days. Thank you!

So, Christmas is over. I hope it was a good one for you! For us, it was the first one without my “Nanni” (grandma). It was bitter sweet. It’s so hard to fathom her strong presence not being physically present amongst her earthly family. She was, however, so ready to be done with her broken shell-of-a-body, which was miserably tethering her to her frail life here. To know that she is no longer bound to her sickly, broken body is a blessing! I know she is hanging out at some heavenly beach, soaking up the rays and being happy. That makes my heart smile, even through my tears.

This is also the first year we have, quite literally, been unable to afford even one gift for our children. Somehow, they still had a wonderful day, full of smiles and giggles of glee. We had “Secret Santas” come out of the woodwork, come to our aide, and make this year a special one for the kids. It was even more special for us as parents, because we are well aware it’s only by the grace of God (and friends/family) that we were allowed a “Christmas” at all. Hopefully this next year will find us in a much better place, and we can Pay It Forward in a big way.

What comes next? Gatlinburg. We were blessed with a trip to go visit my brother’s family in Gatlinburg, TN. No, they aren’t FROM TN, they are going there for New Year’s Day. We are soooo looking forward to seeing them again! It is always a good time, and good for the soul, hanging out with them!

After that? I am trying to find an RN job I can do from the house. It is VERY apparent, especially after this last week, that trying to be normal and, you know, walk around, is too taxing on my body. I think, God willing, I can do something from home, though. I need to feel like I am providing for my family and contributing somehow. I’ll get there. I will.

Yes, I am doing the pearl thing, which is fun. I have had the opportunity to meet so many great people! It has afforded me the ability to help pay some of the bills, which is nice. It would be über cool if I could make that a career. Then, I could fizz and shuck part time, yet also work on writing. That would be a dream. #goals – I don’t understand how some people touch a company, and it immediately turns to gold. I touch it, and it barely turns yellow after months of hard work. LOL!

Anyway … I’m off to play with the kids. Andrew has some Legos calling to us. Natalie can’t get her nose out of her DS. LOL! Bye until next time!

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This probably isn’t a good one to read if you need motivation.

I have not disappeared. I’ve had a hard last month or so. My head is not screwed on correctly, but …. I was going to say I’m working on it, but I’m really not. I want to just feel what I want to feel for a bit. I just want to exist in this limbo for awhile, and not be solid.

I feel like I’ve grown up so much in this last – however long it’s been – emotionally. I was definitely a sheltered butterfly, but I got a good spanking from life. It’s not all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. But you know what? That’s okay. It has been difficult, sad, hard, but I am a stronger person for it.

I’ve falling back a bit into — I’m just going to say it — self-hatred. That’s really been the hardest part to overcome. People suck, and will let you down in the worst ways, that’s always  a constant. I understand that. People are human. But, it’s hating myself through this process that has been so difficult. 


I am mostly strong, I will mostly persevere, I am mostly a mini beast, but I just need time to not … be.

I understand everyone is going to want to throw help at me. I’m sorry. I really just don’t want it right now. Give me time. I don’t know if I’m going through the grief cycle, but apathy is really where I am right now. I just want to stay numb for a bit.

And, no. It doesn’t matter what happened. Just a bunch of crap back to back. 

I’ll get back to my happy, motivational, perseverance, warrior self. I just need a minute.

I just like the purpley-red eyes.

Love.

9th Planet

So, no biggie, there might be a ninth planet in our solar system. WHAT?!? I would say there IS a ninth planet, but it has yet to actually be seen.
No, I’m not talking about poor, downgraded to dwarf planet, Pluto (don’t worry, Pluto, I still believe in you). I’m talking about the “hidden” planet known as Ninth Planet.

What?!?


If it’s hidden, you ask, how then do we know there is (might be) a ninth planet out there? This sneaky, huge planet is leaving a trail. 

What kind of a trail? Can I see it?


Astronomers, including Mike “Pluto Killer” Brown (the scientist who embarrassed poor Pluto by discrediting it as a “real” planet), think they have found its orbital pattern, which is 30 degrees off of the orbits of the other planets. It is approximately (and hypothetically) 40 lightyears away, and its large pull, with the 30 degree difference, is what makes the sun appear to tilt (I’ve never noticed a tilty sun, but they are the experts).

How dare you discredit Pluto!


The overwhelming evidence seems to be in the Kuiper Belt (yeah, I didn’t know what that was either). This is the area past Neptune (including poor Pluto) where icy, frozen things like to hang out. There is something big out there, like a Planet Nine for example, that is scrambling this area with an apparent gravitational pull.

One big planet to scramble them all.


It has been estimated that Planet Nine (if it exists … which I like to think it does) is 10-15 times the size of earth. It would have to have a HUGE orbit, 20 times farther from the sun than that of Neptune, taking 10,000 to 20,000 years (Earth years) to orbit the sun.

That’s big.


Also, no big deal, it may be the driving force in the destruction of our solar system. Never fear, however, this would occur after our sun dies, along with earth and everything on it. We won’t be here to see it happen anyway!

The destruction, oh the destruction!


Now, this is all hypothetical, of course. There are, however, individuals who believe it’s not IF, but WHEN Planet Nine will come out of hiding. These astronomers continue to search, using the most powerful telescopes and the most high-tech mapping systems available.

Come on Planet 9! Show yourself!!


I don’t know about you, but I’m rooting for Planet Nine. How awesome would such a discovery be during our lifetime! To be a small part of the civilization that discovers only the third planet since ancient times would be incredibly unbelievable. Come on, astronomers, you got this!

You can do it!

My Besties

I am weird. I fully admit this. I’m not like stalker weird, but I do have best friends who don’t realize I am alive, let alone know that we are best friends. Is that crazy?

I might be CrAzY.


I blame my weird friend acquisition completely on social media. A year ago I had friends, friends of the reach-out-and-touch-them variety. I still have these friends, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes life gets all gummed up and in the way. I don’t get to see, or spend time with, my live-in-town friends nearly as often as I would like. I usually can’t call them up and just chat about nothing in general at any given time of the day when I feel bored. They’re busy with their kids’ activities, dinner, life, whatever.

So what did you have for breakfast?


Enter social media. It’s like a world of magic, instant gratification, electronic fairies who make friendships with anyone, at anytime, in any location, in any country possible. At any given moment, I can log onto one of my social media accounts, and the world opens up to me. It’s my oyster, and I’ll take it.

The cyber world is your oyster, man!


Sometimes, I log into a continuous conversation I’m having via Messenger with about eight different people at any given time. I also have my friends who are members of several groups I follow. In these groups, people post things on the “wall.” I can choose to interact with these posts at any time I so desire. Sometimes I’m not even really sure what the group is about. Who cares! There are people (I’m assuming they are people) interacting with me!

I hardly wear makeup. Who cares?!?


Then there is the “liking” of posts. It’s an easy way to say, “Hey, girl, hey! I see your post, and I was here.” Sometimes, I get brave enough to post something on a group’s wall. Sometimes I even get likes in return! It’s like magic! It makes me feel so popular and loved. Do these people know me? Not really! Most of them have no idea what I even look like, but that’s the magic of social media.
But, my bestest of best friends are found as the face of some of the LIVE streams I follow on social media. I have a select few I follow, but I know all there is to (publicly) know about these, my besties! My husband even knows, and refers to them as, “Best friend 2, 3, and 4.” I do have ONE “real” best friend. I’m not THAT much of a whack-a-doo! Best friends 2, 3, and 4 are as real as social media gets, though.

So I have friends on the computer who don’t know I exist. Who cares?!!


Sometimes, they even say my name in response to something I’ve written in the feed of their LIVE show. It’s like they ACTUALLY know me!! I mean, they say my name, out loud, in front of their other gazillion followers. Besties, I tell ya! They really get me.

They accept me as I am.


Okay, it’s slightly possible I’m a little crazy, but doesn’t it feel this way sometimes? There are so many people we follow online these days. We spend so much time reading their blogs or watching their LIVES, it’s like we actually know them. It kind of blurs the line between celebrity and those that watch from behind a screen. Social media allows us to interact with, and know people, like never before.

Who are your best social media friends?

World record holder

Is there a World Record for the world’s clumsiest person? If so, I would like to submit my name for consideration. I don’t know what the verification process entails, but I believe I would win, hands down! Need proof?

Exhibit A: Picture it. It’s 1980. I’m five years old, dressed in a light pink leotard, and barefoot. I’m walking across our groovy brown shag carpet when BOOM! Somehow I manage to step on a toothpick that has been ensnared in the tufts of shagginess that is our carpet. Straight up into the middle of my left foot the toothpick lodges. It takes an ER visit, including a minor surgical procedure, to get the dang stick out of my foot.

Ouch!

Exhibit B: I’m in fourth grade. Our class is walking back to the school building after recess. Out of nowhere a curb shows up to ruin my day. I step off … that’s right, I said I simply stepped off … the stupid thing, twisting my ankle and spraining it really good in the process. Another fun visit to the ER, including crutches and a plaster splint, is needed to fix me this time.

I cannot believe that happened.

Exhibit C: Unknown year. I’m at my grandparents house, which is full of people who have come for some sort of party. I am playing with my cousins, and the random children that have come with their parents to this party for the grown ups. I’m in the kitchen, but I can see a group of kids playing in the backyard. I run from the kitchen, through the front room full of people, and WHAM! I run face first into the sliding glass door. I did not realize it was shut, because I’m awesome like that. I remember lots of blood, and being completely embarrassed by the number of people that witnessed my catastrophe.

Whoops!

Exhibit D: I’m eighteen years old, and I’m at Disney World for the first time. We have just finished eating, and notice a bus about to leave for our hotel. No problem, we’ll run and catch the bus before it leaves. Check that. THEY’LL run and catch the bus. I’ll start to run at full speed toward the bus, but somehow get my feet tangled up with … well, my feet. Down I go, but I don’t just fall. No, I have to be more dramatic than that. I fall and start to bounce and roll across the parking lot. When I finally come to a stop, the entire bus population is looking at me with gaping disbelief. I am mortified.

Bounce and roll!

Exhibit E: Same year. I am at the beach in California, where I have come with my immediate family and my older cousin. We decide to have a swing on a swing set facing the water. Everything is giggles and rainbows, until everyone decides to jump from the swings. They go, one by one, soaring through the air like birds on the wind, before they land perfectly on the sand, maybe ten or fifteen feet in front of the swings. It’s my turn. I’m so confident, I could burst. I let go of the rusted chain of my swing. Up I go … and then immediately down I go. I somehow faceplant under the swing. I will never live this down.

Zziiiip it!


I could go on, but I’ll let those embarrassing moments speak for themselves. I am, in fact, the most clumsy person alive today.
Do you think you are clumsier than me? I don’t think it’s possible, but let’s hear your stories of grand clumsy embarrassment in the comments.
 

Disney Dreaming …

It has been over a year since I have been to Disney World. So much has changed since I have been: the hat was taken down at the Studios, Avatar was added (is that what it’s called?), Wishes was replaced, the Caribbean hotel got a refresh … I’m sure there’s more.

I have the itch though. Anyone who loves Disney knows, and has felt this itch. I want to go back home. Of course, I mean Disney World.

I thought I’d be back to work by now. We promised the kids, the first thing we would do when I was better is plan a trip to Disney World. We all know how that has turned out. Boo. Instead of wallow in misery, we’ll talk about my top 5 things to do at Disney World. Top 5 will be hard, because there is so much greatness there. Here we go:

1) Chip ‘N Dale’s Campfire Sing-A-Long — I think they have this every night? We’ve never stayed at Fort Wilderness, but we’ve gone to this “free” event there multiple times. There are a couple fire pits, and you can buy “kits” to roast s’mores (Make sure you take cash!!). Chip ‘n Dale come out with camp counsellors, and everyone sings! There is then an outdoor movie you can enjoy under the stars. I will mention that this is weather dependent. We have been there when they have had to cancel for weather. Bummer!!!

2) Eat at Boma, Enjoy pool area at Animal Kingdom Lodge — Boma restaurant is located inside the Animal Kingdom Lodge. It is rather expensive, but I am pretty sure it’s considered a moderately priced hotel. We eat there at dinner time. It is a buffet that has all the different flavors of Africa. It is absolutely delicious!! My kids did not like it … but they hate everything. Before (or after, if we are running late) our reservations, we go back to the pool area. There are a lot of “hidden Mickeys” back there, as well as many overlooks for animals on the savanna. It is very cool, and even the kids lived that part!! It’s a must for every trip.

3) Used to be Wishes, but I imagine the new show is cool too. Of course, this is magical in the park, but watching it from the white sands of the Polynesian resort is amazing!! They turn off the lights outside, and play the music over the loud speaker. AMAZING!! And they have a lighted floating parade on the lagoon while the fireworks are going on. It is rather magical.

4) Splash Mountain — This requires a ticket to the Magic Kingdom park. This ride offers both a whimsical character story (Song of the South) and a thrill ride (the log-ride like hill at the end). It is so much fun! Word of advice: you will probably get wet! Plan for this. Also, this ride often has a LONG line. Fastpass it if you can!! Head there FIRST THING when the park opens, or hit it during Magic Hours if your eligible (and if you’re not eligible, you SHOULD BE STAYING ON PROPERTY).

5) Fantasmic — This show requires tickets to the Hollywood Studios. Get there EARLY for a good spot. Good spots are smack in the middle. Lower seats WILL get wet. This is the closing show at Hollywood Studios. It features Mickey Mouse and a movie scenes shown on spraying water. There are also canoes and a “parade” on the water. Be prepared for loud music, a gun battle, and brief fireworks at the end. So so magical. If you’re a sap like me, be prepared to tear up. 

There are so so many more things to enjoy at Disney World! What are some of your favorite??

Motivation, or lack thereof 

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Sorry about the language, if that’s offensive to you. I know this says Friday, but this is really any day for me. I have been sleeping, sleeping, sleeping. Not getting up. Not getting my coffee. Not kicking the day in the junk. I’ve just been sleeping.

For instance, I slept from about 2am until 12pm-ish today, stayed up (but in bed) until 3pm-ish, then woke up at 7pm. I had to force myself up, force myself to function. I really think ten months of these four walls is getting to me. I just don’t have the desire to do anything anymore. I have to have an internal FIGHT to drag myself up to do anything.

I was so desperate this evening, I called my dad to ask him if I could just ride with him to do his nightly errands. It was joyous just to get out, to just be human for a couple hours. It made me a different person for awhile when I got home.

(The skies burst while we were out. It was glorious!)

I actually had the desire and the energy to write an article for one of the sites I write for. This is a site that usually intimidates the crap out of me. I’m usually afraid to submit anything, for fear of looking like an imposter, and a freakish failure. But, after getting out, I felt like giving it a go. So I did. 

I wish I could keep this motivation up. I want to write for each of the two sites I submit to once a day, write on this blog daily, and work on the writing of a book daily. Then, somewhere in there, I want to work on my mom’s website, her Facebook, her Instagram, and help my dad with his social media. I could do it all. It’s just getting my butt up, not sleeping all day, and getting motivated. 

If I was more dang intentional about using my dang EC planner, it might help motivate me. If I could drive, it would be ON! I could actually get out of these four walls, and work on some of this somewhere other than here. Here. Here. Always Here.

Guess what. It’s 2am again. So far, I’m falling into the same pattern! LOL! I can’t help it. I do actually write better at night. More ideas come to me in the dark.

Anyone else this way? Am I just abi-normal? (Does anybody but me get that reference?)