Hi family!

Yes, you all are family, not just friends and followers. It really does take a tribe, and I couldn’t travel this road without each and every one of you. You lift me up, make my days brighter, and are there for me to “talk” to, even on my hard days. Thank you!

So, Christmas is over. I hope it was a good one for you! For us, it was the first one without my “Nanni” (grandma). It was bitter sweet. It’s so hard to fathom her strong presence not being physically present amongst her earthly family. She was, however, so ready to be done with her broken shell-of-a-body, which was miserably tethering her to her frail life here. To know that she is no longer bound to her sickly, broken body is a blessing! I know she is hanging out at some heavenly beach, soaking up the rays and being happy. That makes my heart smile, even through my tears.

This is also the first year we have, quite literally, been unable to afford even one gift for our children. Somehow, they still had a wonderful day, full of smiles and giggles of glee. We had “Secret Santas” come out of the woodwork, come to our aide, and make this year a special one for the kids. It was even more special for us as parents, because we are well aware it’s only by the grace of God (and friends/family) that we were allowed a “Christmas” at all. Hopefully this next year will find us in a much better place, and we can Pay It Forward in a big way.

What comes next? Gatlinburg. We were blessed with a trip to go visit my brother’s family in Gatlinburg, TN. No, they aren’t FROM TN, they are going there for New Year’s Day. We are soooo looking forward to seeing them again! It is always a good time, and good for the soul, hanging out with them!

After that? I am trying to find an RN job I can do from the house. It is VERY apparent, especially after this last week, that trying to be normal and, you know, walk around, is too taxing on my body. I think, God willing, I can do something from home, though. I need to feel like I am providing for my family and contributing somehow. I’ll get there. I will.

Yes, I am doing the pearl thing, which is fun. I have had the opportunity to meet so many great people! It has afforded me the ability to help pay some of the bills, which is nice. It would be über cool if I could make that a career. Then, I could fizz and shuck part time, yet also work on writing. That would be a dream. #goals – I don’t understand how some people touch a company, and it immediately turns to gold. I touch it, and it barely turns yellow after months of hard work. LOL!

Anyway … I’m off to play with the kids. Andrew has some Legos calling to us. Natalie can’t get her nose out of her DS. LOL! Bye until next time!


Sicky sick, Father’s Day, and wormholes

I have been so, so sick this weekend. Thank God J made me go to the doctor in Friday, because it would have only gotten worse, and I can’t imagine much worse. Everyone else had allergies, but thanks to Imuran (my immunosuppressant), it turned into bronchitis with a weird ear infection in the ear I can’t feel. Then I mixed that up with a little puking, and it just rounded out an otherwise boring weekend. I have to mix it up a bit sometimes. Now, I’m done with my turn on the Ferris wheel 🎡 of sickness. It’s somebody else’s turn to take a ride! (Nobody at this house!!)

This is what sick looks like.

So, once again, I am way behind in every aspect of writing in my life. But, guess what … it’s okay! It a new week, time for new starts!!
Father’s Day and Andrew’s birthday are coming up. Poor Andrew. It was on the eve of his birthday I first went to the Randolph ER by ambulance. (What a frickin joke all around.) So, I want to do something special for him this year. We don’t have the $$ to do what he wants (Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge). He has wanted that the last 2 birthdays, and thanks to ME, we can’t go. How do I break that to him again?!? And, what the heck do I do instead that’s fun, but cheap (or free is better)?

I mean, Come on!! How do I say, “We can’t afford it this year,” to that?!?

What about Father’s Day? Here’s where I get weird and superstitious. I had the perfect idea for my dad last year, even bought all the components, and then BOOM! Life changed. He never got his gift. And, J’s gift was spending time with me in the hospital. Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I’m stupid for being superstitious, but neither one is getting a gift until AFTER Father’s Day this year. I also have no idea for J. Neither of them are MEN MEN. Hunting, fishing, grilling, sports, all a nope for both of them. 

I don’t have a decent picture of them together, so here is a good reminder.

So I was looking around Facebook, at different sites, blogs, and pictures for ideas regarding this upcoming week? MAN!! There are some wormholes up in Facebook land!! I was reading (too long) about beets, and that brought me to bath bombs and crafts, which led me to house fires and sweet tea, which led me to Eddie Vedder (it ALWAYS comes back to Eddie Vedder), which lead me to Chris Cornell. Sad way to end my search, but it was 12:00am when I started. When I looked up, it was 3am!! What?!? Wormholes. They get you every time!! AND … I still have no idea what the week will bring!! It will be a surprise for all of us. 

Well, I have a date with dreamland! Until next time. Pay that stuff forward!! Be happy … life is to short. Make others happy. There is absolutely no need to bring others down. Remember, those that are abrasive with you are people too. You never know what they are going through in the background. Your’s may be the only smile and kind word they have all day. ❤️

See you there!!

All The Feels

I have been so blessed once again today. I received a very unexpected gift in the mail. I don’t know that I should say what or who it’s from. I don’t want to call them out if they want their anonymity. It’s not like a new car, or a thousand dollars or anything, but it was completely unexpected, and I was floored. 

I sat here in tears. I honestly felt (all my life) like nobody liked me, nobody cared if I was around or not   (In fact, I felt people were embarrassed to have me around), and I was not worthy of anybody’s love or attention. 

I don’t own this graphic, but it’s true!

My tears today were not from sadness. They were from bewilderment, from happiness, from feeling humbled, and unworthy. They were from realizing that people do care, I do matter, and I am thought about.

So, I can not even begin to say thank you to this chain of people (and it did take a chain of people). I can’t begin to describe what this small gesture has done to my spirits. I have so much JOY in my heart right now, I just want to pay it forward so each of y’all can feel a part of the gladness!!

Nope, don’t own this graphic. It’s true, however.

Yes, I am grateful for EVERYTHING that EVERYONE has done for me over the past five months (can you believe it’s been 5 months!?!?). I have felt unworthy, embarrassed, and just like a charity case this entire time. I don’t want to downplay what everyone has done. It is my non-existent self-esteem planting insecurities in my head every time someone does a nice gesture for me. I don’t know why today was different. Maybe because it was completely out of the blue. 

Please. I want everyone to feel a part of this gladness. Do something unexpected and kind for someone today. Be that out-of-the-blue person that someone needs!

I also don’t own this graphic, but so true!

Honestly, the best part was the hand-written note … FROM THIS PERSON I DON’T EVEN KNOW … That says her family is praying for me!! I cried.
Be that person for someone today!

Once again, I don’t own this graphic, but agree 100%.

*I don’t want to downplay all that my best friends have done for me. There are a few people who I have let into my inner circle of trust, that I believed honestly cared. I know you ALL cared, it just felt like you felt you were required somehow to help. I just have had ZERO self-esteem, and I’m a bit crazy, I guess. 😊*
**I do not own any of these graphics, but they give me All The Feels today***