Hello. Is there anybody out there?

It has recently come to my attention that I have not written in a while. I think I have been avoiding it.

My body is about the same. I’m on oral immunosuppressants. This is in place of the chemo I did last year. They are great (I’m lying). Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just quit taking all the medication they have me on. Sixteen pills a day, down to none. I mean, the doctors admit they don’t know if the pills are really helping. They are, however, killing my liver. Bonus, they may give me blood cancer down the line. I’m going to be honest, lately I have been obsessed with trying that cannabis oil that doesn’t make you high. A few drops under my tongue, and I’m good. I wonder if it would work.

Mentally, I am a bit unstable. I try to keep my spirits up, I really do try, but this gets SO OLD. I want to just flail and kick and force everything to just work out. I want to work again. I don’t want to be stuck, like a slug, waiting for life to just happen to me. I am not that person. I do the LIVE pearl thing to keep sane, and feel like I’m at least a functioning member of the household, but it’s all smoke and mirrors.

I just happened to turn on my phone today while I was sitting in the parking lot at the bank. I had been trying to find and gather together change to deposit, in an attempt to keep us from over drafting again. I happened to turn on a Facebook Live feed, I don’t know why, that was just starting. He didn’t say anything I haven’t heard before. He didn’t give some great revelation that I haven’t been preached at countless times in the last year and a half. It just hit me differently today. He said, “It may seem dark right now. You may be in a winter. But, this is a season. It will pass. I promise you, it will pass.” As I sat there with pennies and nickles in my hand, prepared to go in and make a measly deposit to save our banking account, the words hit me like a brick to the head. This is a season. It sucks now. It is awful now. It is the lowest of the lows now. But, we will get through this. It will eventually take an upturn. Please, God, it has to take an upturn.img_1553-1

So, to anyone that needs to hear it … You WILL get through this. It sucks now. I know it sucks. The season will end, though. This is but a season. It is the winter, and spring always follows.

I love you all.

Find me on Facebook: mommapossum



Too long for Facebook!

I know everyone gets sick of these, but it’s fun, and I can’t sleep. Maybe you’ll learn something!! πŸ™ˆπŸ™ŠπŸ™‰
55 Questions You’ve Probably Never Been Asked

1. First thing you wash in the shower? I do good just to stand in the shower. Once I master that, I wash my hair. Or my face. It depends if I’m feeling wild. πŸ˜‚

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? That fits me: black. If I were to lose 60 pounds: burnt orange \m/

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Well, I bet J hopes I’ll kiss him again.

4. Do you plan outfits? Bahaha-no. You’re lucky if I match … or have on real clothes!

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Wide awake …. dreading lumbar puncture on Tuesday and chemo on Wednesday. Contemplating in what direction to take blog/Facebook site.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? It’s dark, so I can’t really see, but I think my “mug rug” is the closest and red.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? I always remember them right when I get up, but always forget. For a long time, I dreamed every night that I was “normal” and at work, and everyone thought I was lying about what happened to me.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? On instagram. Does that count?

9. What are you craving right now? Water. Which is weird, because I HATE water. I’m just parched!

10. Do you floss? I should. Half my dentist family would be upset with me. But, no. Maybe 3 times a year. πŸ˜‚

11. Dream job? Writer/blogger/reviewer … but paid WELL for it!!

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? PATCH KID

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? All the time with my kids πŸ™„

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? Bite and lick 

15. Do you like your hair? No!! It’s chemo fried, and limp, and half falling out, and not growing. And it should be purple. But Celes is having none of that. 😜

16. Do you like yourself? Eh. I’m stronger than I used to be. I’m more empathetic than I used to be. I’m more tolerant than I used to be. I don’t like my situation, and I can always improve myself. I HATE the way I look. It’s very embarrassing!

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? Yes 

18. What are you listening to right now? Fan and J snoring 

19. Are your parents strict? They used to be. Now, not so much with the grandkids!! LOL!

20. Would you go sky diving? I say “heck ya!!” But if I actually got up there, I think I’d freak out!!

21. Do you like cottage cheese? Yes!! With fruit is the best!! 

22. Have you ever met a celebrity? Yes! Mickey Mouse!!! And Kelly Willard. And I suppose my dad is a celebrity in his own right. And, good lord, you’d think my brother is a celebrity with all the people that know and love him!! Do you KNOW how many times I’ve heard, “Oh my gosh! You’re Patrick’s sister!?!?” πŸ™„

23. Do you rent movies often? Never

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in? Yes. It’s all about the bling with 9 year old girls!!

25. How many countries have you visited? 3 (here, Mexico, Israel)

26. Have you made a prank phone call? Yes. It made me nervous. It was on a three-way call in like 1990, and I made the person call the man back and say we were joking. πŸ˜‚

27. Ever been on a train? Does Disney count? What about the E in Chicago?

28. Brown or white eggs? As long as they are unfertalized, I will eat them. LOL!

29. Do you have a cell-phone? 1988 called, and they want their question back.

30. Do you use chapstick? Yes. More precisely EOS. 😊 Or Bon Bons.

31. Do you own a gun? No. They scare me with kids in the house.

32. Can you use chopsticks? Before my incident-like a pro. Now I’m lucky if I don’t throw food with a fork. πŸ˜‚

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Tonight as in, it’s 2:10am, so 16 hours from now? J. You mean right now? That would Also be J. LOL!!

34. Are you too forgiving? Uh, No. Well, I say no. But there are people I could never stay mad at. To be honest, if you sincerely apologize, I’m a sucker … you’re forgiven. I WILL say, I’m selectively cautious with my forgiving.

35. Ever been in love? *sigh* yes.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? Probably adulting.

37. Ever have cream puffs? I could eat a whole container!

38. Last time you cried? On the daily. My emotions are a bit all over the place. I also laugh and am happy on the daily.

39. What was the last question you were asked? Last time you cried! (WORD)

40. Favorite time of the year? Fall

41. Do you have any tattoos? Yes

42. Are you sarcastic? Me?!?

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? Yes. Taking it old school. 

44. Ever walked into a wall? A glass door, yes. Fell into a wall, yes.

45. Favorite color? Purple

46. Have you ever slapped someone? *sigh* do I have to answer this? Yes.

47. Is your hair curly? Fried

48. What was the last CD you bought? Monroeville

49. Do looks matter? Yes. Both ways though. If your weird looking, sad to say, it matters (first impressions), but if you are too good looking and narcissistic, it’s a buzz kill.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? That is arbitrary, but I’d say yes!

52. Do you like your life right now? It is NOT what I had planned. I don’t like living in this broken body. I do like that I can encourage people. I don’t like that I need help. I love being blessed beyond what I can even fathom.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on? Yes. If J would let me sleep with the sound on, I would!

54. Can you handle the truth? Depends  what said truth is in regards to.

55. Do you have good vision? No πŸ˜‚

This is long. I may blog it!