Hi family!

Yes, you all are family, not just friends and followers. It really does take a tribe, and I couldn’t travel this road without each and every one of you. You lift me up, make my days brighter, and are there for me to “talk” to, even on my hard days. Thank you!

So, Christmas is over. I hope it was a good one for you! For us, it was the first one without my “Nanni” (grandma). It was bitter sweet. It’s so hard to fathom her strong presence not being physically present amongst her earthly family. She was, however, so ready to be done with her broken shell-of-a-body, which was miserably tethering her to her frail life here. To know that she is no longer bound to her sickly, broken body is a blessing! I know she is hanging out at some heavenly beach, soaking up the rays and being happy. That makes my heart smile, even through my tears.

This is also the first year we have, quite literally, been unable to afford even one gift for our children. Somehow, they still had a wonderful day, full of smiles and giggles of glee. We had “Secret Santas” come out of the woodwork, come to our aide, and make this year a special one for the kids. It was even more special for us as parents, because we are well aware it’s only by the grace of God (and friends/family) that we were allowed a “Christmas” at all. Hopefully this next year will find us in a much better place, and we can Pay It Forward in a big way.

What comes next? Gatlinburg. We were blessed with a trip to go visit my brother’s family in Gatlinburg, TN. No, they aren’t FROM TN, they are going there for New Year’s Day. We are soooo looking forward to seeing them again! It is always a good time, and good for the soul, hanging out with them!

After that? I am trying to find an RN job I can do from the house. It is VERY apparent, especially after this last week, that trying to be normal and, you know, walk around, is too taxing on my body. I think, God willing, I can do something from home, though. I need to feel like I am providing for my family and contributing somehow. I’ll get there. I will.

Yes, I am doing the pearl thing, which is fun. I have had the opportunity to meet so many great people! It has afforded me the ability to help pay some of the bills, which is nice. It would be über cool if I could make that a career. Then, I could fizz and shuck part time, yet also work on writing. That would be a dream. #goals – I don’t understand how some people touch a company, and it immediately turns to gold. I touch it, and it barely turns yellow after months of hard work. LOL!

Anyway … I’m off to play with the kids. Andrew has some Legos calling to us. Natalie can’t get her nose out of her DS. LOL! Bye until next time!


My Besties

I am weird. I fully admit this. I’m not like stalker weird, but I do have best friends who don’t realize I am alive, let alone know that we are best friends. Is that crazy?

I might be CrAzY.

I blame my weird friend acquisition completely on social media. A year ago I had friends, friends of the reach-out-and-touch-them variety. I still have these friends, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes life gets all gummed up and in the way. I don’t get to see, or spend time with, my live-in-town friends nearly as often as I would like. I usually can’t call them up and just chat about nothing in general at any given time of the day when I feel bored. They’re busy with their kids’ activities, dinner, life, whatever.

So what did you have for breakfast?

Enter social media. It’s like a world of magic, instant gratification, electronic fairies who make friendships with anyone, at anytime, in any location, in any country possible. At any given moment, I can log onto one of my social media accounts, and the world opens up to me. It’s my oyster, and I’ll take it.

The cyber world is your oyster, man!

Sometimes, I log into a continuous conversation I’m having via Messenger with about eight different people at any given time. I also have my friends who are members of several groups I follow. In these groups, people post things on the “wall.” I can choose to interact with these posts at any time I so desire. Sometimes I’m not even really sure what the group is about. Who cares! There are people (I’m assuming they are people) interacting with me!

I hardly wear makeup. Who cares?!?

Then there is the “liking” of posts. It’s an easy way to say, “Hey, girl, hey! I see your post, and I was here.” Sometimes, I get brave enough to post something on a group’s wall. Sometimes I even get likes in return! It’s like magic! It makes me feel so popular and loved. Do these people know me? Not really! Most of them have no idea what I even look like, but that’s the magic of social media.
But, my bestest of best friends are found as the face of some of the LIVE streams I follow on social media. I have a select few I follow, but I know all there is to (publicly) know about these, my besties! My husband even knows, and refers to them as, “Best friend 2, 3, and 4.” I do have ONE “real” best friend. I’m not THAT much of a whack-a-doo! Best friends 2, 3, and 4 are as real as social media gets, though.

So I have friends on the computer who don’t know I exist. Who cares?!!

Sometimes, they even say my name in response to something I’ve written in the feed of their LIVE show. It’s like they ACTUALLY know me!! I mean, they say my name, out loud, in front of their other gazillion followers. Besties, I tell ya! They really get me.

They accept me as I am.

Okay, it’s slightly possible I’m a little crazy, but doesn’t it feel this way sometimes? There are so many people we follow online these days. We spend so much time reading their blogs or watching their LIVES, it’s like we actually know them. It kind of blurs the line between celebrity and those that watch from behind a screen. Social media allows us to interact with, and know people, like never before.

Who are your best social media friends?

Sicky sick, Father’s Day, and wormholes

I have been so, so sick this weekend. Thank God J made me go to the doctor in Friday, because it would have only gotten worse, and I can’t imagine much worse. Everyone else had allergies, but thanks to Imuran (my immunosuppressant), it turned into bronchitis with a weird ear infection in the ear I can’t feel. Then I mixed that up with a little puking, and it just rounded out an otherwise boring weekend. I have to mix it up a bit sometimes. Now, I’m done with my turn on the Ferris wheel 🎡 of sickness. It’s somebody else’s turn to take a ride! (Nobody at this house!!)

This is what sick looks like.

So, once again, I am way behind in every aspect of writing in my life. But, guess what … it’s okay! It a new week, time for new starts!!
Father’s Day and Andrew’s birthday are coming up. Poor Andrew. It was on the eve of his birthday I first went to the Randolph ER by ambulance. (What a frickin joke all around.) So, I want to do something special for him this year. We don’t have the $$ to do what he wants (Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge). He has wanted that the last 2 birthdays, and thanks to ME, we can’t go. How do I break that to him again?!? And, what the heck do I do instead that’s fun, but cheap (or free is better)?

I mean, Come on!! How do I say, “We can’t afford it this year,” to that?!?

What about Father’s Day? Here’s where I get weird and superstitious. I had the perfect idea for my dad last year, even bought all the components, and then BOOM! Life changed. He never got his gift. And, J’s gift was spending time with me in the hospital. Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I’m stupid for being superstitious, but neither one is getting a gift until AFTER Father’s Day this year. I also have no idea for J. Neither of them are MEN MEN. Hunting, fishing, grilling, sports, all a nope for both of them. 

I don’t have a decent picture of them together, so here is a good reminder.

So I was looking around Facebook, at different sites, blogs, and pictures for ideas regarding this upcoming week? MAN!! There are some wormholes up in Facebook land!! I was reading (too long) about beets, and that brought me to bath bombs and crafts, which led me to house fires and sweet tea, which led me to Eddie Vedder (it ALWAYS comes back to Eddie Vedder), which lead me to Chris Cornell. Sad way to end my search, but it was 12:00am when I started. When I looked up, it was 3am!! What?!? Wormholes. They get you every time!! AND … I still have no idea what the week will bring!! It will be a surprise for all of us. 

Well, I have a date with dreamland! Until next time. Pay that stuff forward!! Be happy … life is to short. Make others happy. There is absolutely no need to bring others down. Remember, those that are abrasive with you are people too. You never know what they are going through in the background. Your’s may be the only smile and kind word they have all day. ❤️

See you there!!

Days of fun

Lately I do this FUN thing where, when someone really asks me how I’m doing, I start to cry. What the heck! How embarrassing is this. I mean, I can pull off the, “I’m fine,” with no problem. It’s when someone really, sincerely asks me, I lose it. It might be possible I am shoving some of this deep down, and ignoring the fact that sometimes I don’t feel I’m getting any better. 

Stroke picture

Yep. I’ve still got deficits. Deal with it!

You know, when it gets too far past an event, and people forget, don’t care, or just don’t want to hear it anymore. That’s where I am, in that awkward stage of limbo … not nearly well, but “sick” for too long. No, I’m not okay, but nobody wants to head that. In my head they are rolling their eyes and thinking “Gosh, she is always so dang negative!” I don’t want to be that person. So I stay cooped up in my house so people don’t have to see me, talk to me, and face the elephant in the room … the one that says I am 42 and can’t be normal. I can’t drive, walk, take care of my kids, heck … hold my fricken bladder (keeping it real). I don’t look like I used to. Not only has the fricken Prednisone made me FAT, it has changed my features a bit. 


Beautiful weather

Today was the perfect day, I would have missed if Stella hadn’t run off.

I hate complaining. I am lucky I’m still here. I’m lucky I get to be around my wild children. I’m lucky my dog ran off today, forcing me to sit outside with the sun, the blue sky, the breeze, and all the beauty. It felt good just to breathe the fresh air (Crisis averted, by the way … mom came out of her house and got the dog). I’m lucky I still have friends that check on me, and love me without expecting anything in return.

In other news … someone give me something else to talk about!!!

I knew if I took a day off writing, it would be hard to get back into it. I’m not talking about writing a blog, I’m talking about writing articles or my 5000 word experiment. I was going to start project get-up-early and get-things-done today. Nope!! ROTFL! –That’s not exactly true. I did try to pick up in the front room  a little, and I had two guests over for a bit. So, I did SOMETHING more than I usually do. But I had a list of like 20 things to do. I checked off like 2 things. Oh well, you know what, at least I checked off two things. I didn’t sleep all day … that’s better than I usually do!! Tomorrow is a new day. I have OT early, so maybe TOMORROW is the day I will start to get stuff done!! 

I know long blogs are boring, so I will end here. Remember to stay kind. When you want to get exasperated with somebody remember, they are human too with their own things going on. How can you help them instead of being frustrated with them? 💜

Random Ramblings 

It is 1:13am. I probably shouldn’t have had that cup of coffee at 12:30am. I’m a night owl anyway, so it really isn’t bizarre that I’m awake at this time. I have to get these thoughts out of my head, though, or I’m never going to get to sleep.

This was last night’s coffee. I have this thing about coffee at night. Well, I have this thing about coffee anytime, really.

Where to start … LOL …

  • I keep pinning recipes to Facebook, full-well knowing I’ll never look at them again! I think I’m going to do a month of suppers made from Facebook recipes I’ve pinned. My kids won’t be down with it, but I think it would be fun!
  • I can’t believe the devastation in Gatlinburg. I am so thankful that downtown survived relatively unscathed, but I am heartbroken about the rest of it. To think, we were JUST there. The balcony where Nat sat looking at the view of the downtown below is now gone. The fall leaves I took pictures of have burned. The Highlands have been gutted. Hundreds of people lost everything. At last count, 13 people had lost their lives. Devastating. It happened so fast! I am, however, so happy to see the area coming together as a community to help. I wish there were more I could do!
  • I believe there are angels that walk among us. I also believe God whispers to people, even though they may be oblivious. I can not tell you how many times we’ve been helped, in the last six months, when I was ready to throw in the towel. I don’t want to call anyone out, in case they want to remain anonymous, but I have GREAT friends! I’ve made great friends through this ordeal! Friends of friends have come through for us, not even knowing they were helping. It may have been something physical, like food, or it may have been through a post on Facebook that seemed random, but was exactly what I needed to hear at that moment.
  • Also, all I can wear, basically, is leggings, and I’ve even had people come through with that!!
  • Which leads me to my next point … I tried to wear jeans for the first time in six months. It did NOT go well. Not only did I not have full range of motion (😊), but the texture on my left leg was unbearable. It is really hard to describe my post-stroke sensory issues. The strokes affected my right side, but I have numb feeling on my left side and right face. It has turned into a shingles-type pain if touched wrong, and jeans sent the pain into overdrive. I won’t be trying that again for awhile. Leggings it is!!
  • Why do some people make BANK with direct sales companies, but I haven’t had one sale in four months selling Younique? It’s a great brand. The makeup is good quality. I feel j am utilizing social media. I watch all kinds of videos from all levels of the company to get ideas. I’m not giving up, but it’s a bit soul crushing. I just want to succeed. I want to provide a bit of income for my family. I want to give my kids a Christmas. And, heck, I just want to succeed! What am I doing wrong? What else can I try? What else should I do? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I’m genuinely asking! 
  • Along those same lines, I’ve been working my butt off on my mom’s bracelets. I’ve gone Live with them on Facebook, I started an Instagram site, I started a Facebook VIP site, I advertise on Facebook (Literally. I’ve paid to advertise.) … nothing. This is why I say everything I touch crumbles. I try so so hard, have the best intentions, and I think I have good ideas, but the businesses just fail. This isn’t the first time.
  • I need to work on my disability. It is such a tedious process, and I need help. I hate to bother J or my dad. They have SO much else on their plates. We are about to drown though! It is just time and red tape … it’s the government.
  • It’s 2:06am now, and my eyes are shutting against my will. I guess the Benadryl and Melatonin have kicked in. I best scoot before I say something really stupid!

I love you all! Hoping you have a good day. Remember to be nice, even if you don’t feel like it. Especially this time of year, people can be nasty, hateful, and mean. Please don’t be one of those people. Spread love and kindness. Let’s make the world happier one smile at a time!!