This probably isn’t a good one to read if you need motivation.

I have not disappeared. I’ve had a hard last month or so. My head is not screwed on correctly, but …. I was going to say I’m working on it, but I’m really not. I want to just feel what I want to feel for a bit. I just want to exist in this limbo for awhile, and not be solid.

I feel like I’ve grown up so much in this last – however long it’s been – emotionally. I was definitely a sheltered butterfly, but I got a good spanking from life. It’s not all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. But you know what? That’s okay. It has been difficult, sad, hard, but I am a stronger person for it.

I’ve falling back a bit into — I’m just going to say it — self-hatred. That’s really been the hardest part to overcome. People suck, and will let you down in the worst ways, that’s always  a constant. I understand that. People are human. But, it’s hating myself through this process that has been so difficult. 


I am mostly strong, I will mostly persevere, I am mostly a mini beast, but I just need time to not … be.

I understand everyone is going to want to throw help at me. I’m sorry. I really just don’t want it right now. Give me time. I don’t know if I’m going through the grief cycle, but apathy is really where I am right now. I just want to stay numb for a bit.

And, no. It doesn’t matter what happened. Just a bunch of crap back to back. 

I’ll get back to my happy, motivational, perseverance, warrior self. I just need a minute.

I just like the purpley-red eyes.

Love.

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World record holder

Is there a World Record for the world’s clumsiest person? If so, I would like to submit my name for consideration. I don’t know what the verification process entails, but I believe I would win, hands down! Need proof?

Exhibit A: Picture it. It’s 1980. I’m five years old, dressed in a light pink leotard, and barefoot. I’m walking across our groovy brown shag carpet when BOOM! Somehow I manage to step on a toothpick that has been ensnared in the tufts of shagginess that is our carpet. Straight up into the middle of my left foot the toothpick lodges. It takes an ER visit, including a minor surgical procedure, to get the dang stick out of my foot.

Ouch!

Exhibit B: I’m in fourth grade. Our class is walking back to the school building after recess. Out of nowhere a curb shows up to ruin my day. I step off … that’s right, I said I simply stepped off … the stupid thing, twisting my ankle and spraining it really good in the process. Another fun visit to the ER, including crutches and a plaster splint, is needed to fix me this time.

I cannot believe that happened.

Exhibit C: Unknown year. I’m at my grandparents house, which is full of people who have come for some sort of party. I am playing with my cousins, and the random children that have come with their parents to this party for the grown ups. I’m in the kitchen, but I can see a group of kids playing in the backyard. I run from the kitchen, through the front room full of people, and WHAM! I run face first into the sliding glass door. I did not realize it was shut, because I’m awesome like that. I remember lots of blood, and being completely embarrassed by the number of people that witnessed my catastrophe.

Whoops!

Exhibit D: I’m eighteen years old, and I’m at Disney World for the first time. We have just finished eating, and notice a bus about to leave for our hotel. No problem, we’ll run and catch the bus before it leaves. Check that. THEY’LL run and catch the bus. I’ll start to run at full speed toward the bus, but somehow get my feet tangled up with … well, my feet. Down I go, but I don’t just fall. No, I have to be more dramatic than that. I fall and start to bounce and roll across the parking lot. When I finally come to a stop, the entire bus population is looking at me with gaping disbelief. I am mortified.

Bounce and roll!

Exhibit E: Same year. I am at the beach in California, where I have come with my immediate family and my older cousin. We decide to have a swing on a swing set facing the water. Everything is giggles and rainbows, until everyone decides to jump from the swings. They go, one by one, soaring through the air like birds on the wind, before they land perfectly on the sand, maybe ten or fifteen feet in front of the swings. It’s my turn. I’m so confident, I could burst. I let go of the rusted chain of my swing. Up I go … and then immediately down I go. I somehow faceplant under the swing. I will never live this down.

Zziiiip it!


I could go on, but I’ll let those embarrassing moments speak for themselves. I am, in fact, the most clumsy person alive today.
Do you think you are clumsier than me? I don’t think it’s possible, but let’s hear your stories of grand clumsy embarrassment in the comments.
 

Sicky sick, Father’s Day, and wormholes

I have been so, so sick this weekend. Thank God J made me go to the doctor in Friday, because it would have only gotten worse, and I can’t imagine much worse. Everyone else had allergies, but thanks to Imuran (my immunosuppressant), it turned into bronchitis with a weird ear infection in the ear I can’t feel. Then I mixed that up with a little puking, and it just rounded out an otherwise boring weekend. I have to mix it up a bit sometimes. Now, I’m done with my turn on the Ferris wheel 🎡 of sickness. It’s somebody else’s turn to take a ride! (Nobody at this house!!)

This is what sick looks like.

So, once again, I am way behind in every aspect of writing in my life. But, guess what … it’s okay! It a new week, time for new starts!!
Father’s Day and Andrew’s birthday are coming up. Poor Andrew. It was on the eve of his birthday I first went to the Randolph ER by ambulance. (What a frickin joke all around.) So, I want to do something special for him this year. We don’t have the $$ to do what he wants (Wonderworks in Pigeon Forge). He has wanted that the last 2 birthdays, and thanks to ME, we can’t go. How do I break that to him again?!? And, what the heck do I do instead that’s fun, but cheap (or free is better)?

I mean, Come on!! How do I say, “We can’t afford it this year,” to that?!?

What about Father’s Day? Here’s where I get weird and superstitious. I had the perfect idea for my dad last year, even bought all the components, and then BOOM! Life changed. He never got his gift. And, J’s gift was spending time with me in the hospital. Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I’m stupid for being superstitious, but neither one is getting a gift until AFTER Father’s Day this year. I also have no idea for J. Neither of them are MEN MEN. Hunting, fishing, grilling, sports, all a nope for both of them. 

I don’t have a decent picture of them together, so here is a good reminder.

So I was looking around Facebook, at different sites, blogs, and pictures for ideas regarding this upcoming week? MAN!! There are some wormholes up in Facebook land!! I was reading (too long) about beets, and that brought me to bath bombs and crafts, which led me to house fires and sweet tea, which led me to Eddie Vedder (it ALWAYS comes back to Eddie Vedder), which lead me to Chris Cornell. Sad way to end my search, but it was 12:00am when I started. When I looked up, it was 3am!! What?!? Wormholes. They get you every time!! AND … I still have no idea what the week will bring!! It will be a surprise for all of us. 

Well, I have a date with dreamland! Until next time. Pay that stuff forward!! Be happy … life is to short. Make others happy. There is absolutely no need to bring others down. Remember, those that are abrasive with you are people too. You never know what they are going through in the background. Your’s may be the only smile and kind word they have all day. ❤️

See you there!!

RIP Ipsy 

Follow MommaPossum on Facebook 

I did a depressing thing today. I cancelled my Ipsy and Sephora Play subscriptions. Sephora Play wasn’t a big deal to me … but, Ipsy … I’m gonna need a minute … Ipsy I’ve had forever. I love seeing that pretty pink bubble mailer each month peeking out of my mailbox. A little jolt of excitement runs up my spine, and I can’t wait to open the bright package that is waiting just for me. It is a bit like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one glorious day each month. 

I love the cute little makeup bag they send each time; I have quite the collection. Then there are are the samples. I’ve found so much I love from those samples! Not that I could ever afford them, but it’s fun to have the samples! I get to feel luxurious and sophisticated whenever I use a sample from a makeup company I can’t afford … which is all of them.

Sadly, it was not financially sound for me to keep them up at this current time. I really should have cancelled them long ago. I just couldn’t bring myself to click that “Cancel Subscription” box until now. Even as I clicked the “Cancel” box, I had to close my eyes. It was a sad, sad day.


The Plague

Today, I am overwhelmingly grateful for my parents. They insisted on taking to two kidos tonight, so they could avoid the plague that is happening over here. 

At first, I was so against it. I mean, I’m their mom, I should be able to do everything for them. 

After dinner, and trying to get them ready for bed on my own, I gave in. They don’t need this sickness, and I was having hot-flash after hot-flash, after almost falling, after massive pain in my back and left leg. 

I got them (one of the hardest things I’ve ever done) all ready so they can get ready for school with no problems (hopefully) tomorrow.

I’ve never seen J this sick before. It is actually really scaring me. The doctor said “sinus infection” when he went in today, but that doesn’t explain the puking … And blood.  

It’s the plague, I tell ya!

I have no pictures to share. I’m pretty sure you don’t want to see pictures of this!! 😊

In other news, I placed a Younique order today. *shhhhhh* don’t tell anyone. The money came out of an account that shouldn’t be, and is hardly ever used (for very good reason … Like there’s less than $200 in it). Hopefully it will be an investment, though.

I don’t plan on leaving this. I have not had ONE sale since I started in September, but I believe in a lot of the product. I HATE pushy sales, though. I just keep posting on FB about buying, but that even feels pushy a bit to me. I want to get enough followers where I just have people order because they want and need product.

How does one make that work? I don’t want to be pushy. I want to help people. I want to work from my phone on mostly social media. I want people to interact with me. 

There is nothing worse than making a post (or doing a blog *a-hem*), and not getting ONE comment. It feels like I’m just spinning my wheels over here. LOL!

Changed of subject …

This is going to be a lean, mean, completely different Christmas than we are used to. What do I do to not disappoint the kids. 

What can I do with very very limited income? I need to get creative, and fast. At this point, Santa may not come. 😕  No … That has to happen. Ideas would be superb, though.

In other questions … Hoping people answer … What should I write about next on this blog? I’m kind of all over the place. Christmas movies? Binging Netflix? Ipsy bags? Birchbox subscriptions? Scentbird? My LLR obsession? Old movies? Making movies? Fashion? Kids crafts? Recipes? Disney? Social issues? Biblical things? Theme parks? Travel? All of the above?

Help!! 😊

Anyhoosy … Please pray for J. He is ROUGH, and I’m worried. And, pray Miss “No Immune System” over here doesn’t get it!!

Don’t forget the random acts of kindnesses that start the 27th. Instead of a stressful, hateful Christmas (which, we’ve all witnessed the Black Friday Crazies), let’s make it happy and a Blessing for others!

**These are two of the only pics I have on my phone, and they say to always post a pic with your blog. So, here ya go!! 😊 

Ad placement for the church. 🙂

Rehydrate with moisturizer, that 41 year old skin!