Blessed

Hi family!

Yes, you all are family, not just friends and followers. It really does take a tribe, and I couldn’t travel this road without each and every one of you. You lift me up, make my days brighter, and are there for me to “talk” to, even on my hard days. Thank you!

So, Christmas is over. I hope it was a good one for you! For us, it was the first one without my “Nanni” (grandma). It was bitter sweet. It’s so hard to fathom her strong presence not being physically present amongst her earthly family. She was, however, so ready to be done with her broken shell-of-a-body, which was miserably tethering her to her frail life here. To know that she is no longer bound to her sickly, broken body is a blessing! I know she is hanging out at some heavenly beach, soaking up the rays and being happy. That makes my heart smile, even through my tears.

This is also the first year we have, quite literally, been unable to afford even one gift for our children. Somehow, they still had a wonderful day, full of smiles and giggles of glee. We had “Secret Santas” come out of the woodwork, come to our aide, and make this year a special one for the kids. It was even more special for us as parents, because we are well aware it’s only by the grace of God (and friends/family) that we were allowed a “Christmas” at all. Hopefully this next year will find us in a much better place, and we can Pay It Forward in a big way.

What comes next? Gatlinburg. We were blessed with a trip to go visit my brother’s family in Gatlinburg, TN. No, they aren’t FROM TN, they are going there for New Year’s Day. We are soooo looking forward to seeing them again! It is always a good time, and good for the soul, hanging out with them!

After that? I am trying to find an RN job I can do from the house. It is VERY apparent, especially after this last week, that trying to be normal and, you know, walk around, is too taxing on my body. I think, God willing, I can do something from home, though. I need to feel like I am providing for my family and contributing somehow. I’ll get there. I will.

Yes, I am doing the pearl thing, which is fun. I have had the opportunity to meet so many great people! It has afforded me the ability to help pay some of the bills, which is nice. It would be über cool if I could make that a career. Then, I could fizz and shuck part time, yet also work on writing. That would be a dream. #goals – I don’t understand how some people touch a company, and it immediately turns to gold. I touch it, and it barely turns yellow after months of hard work. LOL!

Anyway … I’m off to play with the kids. Andrew has some Legos calling to us. Natalie can’t get her nose out of her DS. LOL! Bye until next time!

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My Besties

I am weird. I fully admit this. I’m not like stalker weird, but I do have best friends who don’t realize I am alive, let alone know that we are best friends. Is that crazy?

I might be CrAzY.


I blame my weird friend acquisition completely on social media. A year ago I had friends, friends of the reach-out-and-touch-them variety. I still have these friends, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes life gets all gummed up and in the way. I don’t get to see, or spend time with, my live-in-town friends nearly as often as I would like. I usually can’t call them up and just chat about nothing in general at any given time of the day when I feel bored. They’re busy with their kids’ activities, dinner, life, whatever.

So what did you have for breakfast?


Enter social media. It’s like a world of magic, instant gratification, electronic fairies who make friendships with anyone, at anytime, in any location, in any country possible. At any given moment, I can log onto one of my social media accounts, and the world opens up to me. It’s my oyster, and I’ll take it.

The cyber world is your oyster, man!


Sometimes, I log into a continuous conversation I’m having via Messenger with about eight different people at any given time. I also have my friends who are members of several groups I follow. In these groups, people post things on the “wall.” I can choose to interact with these posts at any time I so desire. Sometimes I’m not even really sure what the group is about. Who cares! There are people (I’m assuming they are people) interacting with me!

I hardly wear makeup. Who cares?!?


Then there is the “liking” of posts. It’s an easy way to say, “Hey, girl, hey! I see your post, and I was here.” Sometimes, I get brave enough to post something on a group’s wall. Sometimes I even get likes in return! It’s like magic! It makes me feel so popular and loved. Do these people know me? Not really! Most of them have no idea what I even look like, but that’s the magic of social media.
But, my bestest of best friends are found as the face of some of the LIVE streams I follow on social media. I have a select few I follow, but I know all there is to (publicly) know about these, my besties! My husband even knows, and refers to them as, “Best friend 2, 3, and 4.” I do have ONE “real” best friend. I’m not THAT much of a whack-a-doo! Best friends 2, 3, and 4 are as real as social media gets, though.

So I have friends on the computer who don’t know I exist. Who cares?!!


Sometimes, they even say my name in response to something I’ve written in the feed of their LIVE show. It’s like they ACTUALLY know me!! I mean, they say my name, out loud, in front of their other gazillion followers. Besties, I tell ya! They really get me.

They accept me as I am.


Okay, it’s slightly possible I’m a little crazy, but doesn’t it feel this way sometimes? There are so many people we follow online these days. We spend so much time reading their blogs or watching their LIVES, it’s like we actually know them. It kind of blurs the line between celebrity and those that watch from behind a screen. Social media allows us to interact with, and know people, like never before.

Who are your best social media friends?

It’s my blog. I can vent if I want to.

Some days are hard. Living in this broken body sucks more than you know. It’s more broken than some of you will ever understand. I will never, ever see people that knew me before. I mean, of course I will see the people around here. I have no choice in that. But, I will never go back and see those that knew me before. I can’t walk right. I can’t run. I can’t even hop. I can’t walk upstairs without help, I can’t walk downstairs without help. I have trouble writing, and I have trouble with all hand eye coordination activities. I talk with a slur. I get worn out very quickly. I look different. It breaks my heart a little. 

I know everybody is probably sick of me talking about it. But, It is what it is. I want to go back in time about 10 years. I want to be friends with, and know people from before. It just isn’t going to happen.

I’m not excusing it at all, but I sort of don’t blame people or persons for things that have happened recently. Who knows, if it was me, it might’ve happened too. I take that back. It most definitely would not have happened. I can understand though. I am so broken, it’s hard to be around me. I’m not the same person.

I mean, I am exactly the same person inside, but outside I am broken. On the outside I am a freak show.

I know, I know. Beauty is on the inside, not on the outside. But, let’s be honest, that’s bull crap. Maybe I am still cool on the inside. But, I’m so messed up on the outside it’s hard to see the inside.

It makes me sad. It makes me mad. And just couple that with recent events. I am a mess.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s the way I acted and the way I was when I was younger that has caused this. Not caused this really, but maybe it’s the reason this has been allowed. I was mean, I was cruel, I was uncaring, I was a bit narcissistic. I was awful. If you were in the path of that, I truly am sorry. I did it out of bad self-esteem and self loathing. That doesn’t excuse it. But, again, it is what what it is.

OK, let’s end this on a positive note. The sun is shining, I am alive, I have kids that love me. I’ll get through it like always, it’s just a bad day. I am feeling very very very very broken.

💜💜

It came without boxes …

To quote my favorite Christmas movie: 

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” — Dr Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

We have been blessed beyond measure. We have been blessed far beyond what we deserve. This Christmas season …. this ENTIRE season of our life …. we have just seen miracle after miracle.

I voice a major concern to my husband (or even to myself!!), and it’s like God says, “I got this. I’ll show you.” Then out of NOWHERE … BAM … our need is met. It’s like God is listening directly to mine and my husband’s distraught conversations, and then whispering to those that have the precise means to help where we are falling short.

MIRACLES do happen.

I don’t want to call anyone out for helping, because I know they may want to remain anonymous. Just know, you are angels doing God’s work. I have never felt so much love and support … and to be honest, I tend to think the worst, and believe that I am a bother; that nobody really likes me. I have never felt such love, compasssion, and genuine human kindness. 

Thank you does not seem adequate. It is because of some of you, that my kids are having a Christmas at all. It is because of some of you that we have food to eat. It is because of some of you we get to have special moments and traditions. It is because of ALL of you that we feel so loved. 

This has also been the perfect opportunity to speak with my children about why we help people that have needs, Jesus’ love for us, and God’s protection over our lives. It has, hopefully, made them more aware and grateful for all that has been done for us.

My wish and hope is to pay everything forward one day. I would LOVE to be the one helping, providing, and loving on those in need. I want to radiate God’s love to those in need, like it has touched us.

It is very hard (VERY HARD) to admit that we need help right now. I haven’t even needed to ask … the needs have just been met.

Thank You, and Merry Christmas! I have so much happiness right now, I just want to hug you all (and I’m NOT a hugger!).

I hope you feel loved, appreciated, valued, and worthy this holiday season, and always.

Remember why we celebrate. It’s not about the gifts bought at the stores. It’s Jesus, who has made such love and compasssion possible. He has made Christmas more for all of us! 💜💜Even if you don’t believe, He is here for you too. 😊

Borrowed. So accurate.


Nat and Drew, just being kids.

Who knew a week could fly by ?!?

Has it really been so long since I have blogged? Yikes! So much for my promise to myself to write Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It just got away from me this week.

I really don’t even remember why.

I did have Neurology on Monday, about which I did a Facebook “Live.” I saw the definitive MRI for the first time. I wish there was a way to pull it up and show you. Here is a generic one for reference.

GENERIC brain MRI. That heart looking thing in the middle is the brain stem.

The brainstem is arranged in like 2 hemispheres. On one MRI “slice” BOTH hemispheres were almost completely white. That is stroke … dead brain. It happened right where all the nerves cross, behind the eyes. 

I had one further down the brain stem on the right. I also had one higher up on the left (I think), and one even higher, like near the frontal lobe. 

Actually seeing it like that … I’m lucky the damage isn’t worse! I’m lucky I’m still breathing. I’m lucky my husband isn’t having to make tough decisions about what happens to me and what to do with my organs. I’m blessed. With as crappy as this is, it could be much worse!!  #blessed

Anyway … I was going to blog on Tuesday, since I was out of commission on Monday … but, the meds made me fall aleep before I got around to writing anything.

Wednesday I had PT and OT, which WORE ME OUT. I’ve never worked out so hard in my entire life. 

It was, however, probably the best OT appointment I’ve had! It was on OT who I hadn’t worked with before. She had me typing, digging coins out of putty, handwriting, printing … and I forget what else!! I was, understandably, too tired to do anything but lay in bed (and watch Christmas movies) once we got home. (Keep in mind, the process is long anyway. It’s like an hour and a half there and back!)

Me at OT. PT is in the same room.

Who knows what my excuse Thursday was for not blogging. I’m sure it was a doozy. I don’t even remember Thursday!

Friday we had the Asheboro Christmas Parade. Oh gosh, how I didn’t want to go! I knew it would wear me completely out. I was right … BUT … I’m glad I went! The kids needed to have me there, and it was good to see them enjoy it. 

J, the kids, Dad, and Dad’s Sister – Linda.

That was enthralling, I’m sure, but that was my week. 

I wish it were more interesting, but that’s it! With the exception of different doctors, it is the same …. always the same.

We DID go to Target on Sunday without the kids. Usually that would be so exciting for me: Christmas shopping at Target! However, it SUCKS when you have no money. In years past, we would have just thrown stupid stuff in the basket, not caring how much it was. This time, I meticulously had to go online for each item, and see if it was cheaper somewhere else.

It. Was. Awful.

We got a couple stocking stuffers I couldn’t find online cheaper anywhere else. I found myself resenting other shoppers. I wanted to shop like them. I wanted to be able to have a list of people to shop for. I wanted to buy for Christmas Angels. I couldn’t even afford gifts for my kids.

It’s okay, though. I’m alive. Everyone is healthy. We’ll make it. Some day I’ll be able to get for others again.

Be kind to each other. It could always be worse, and you don’t know everyone’s situation.