I have not disappeared. I’ve had a hard last month or so. My head is not screwed on correctly, but …. I was going to say I’m working on it, but I’m really not. I want to just feel what I want to feel for a bit. I just want to exist in this limbo for awhile, and not be solid.
I feel like I’ve grown up so much in this last – however long it’s been – emotionally. I was definitely a sheltered butterfly, but I got a good spanking from life. It’s not all butterflies, rainbows, and unicorns. But you know what? That’s okay. It has been difficult, sad, hard, but I am a stronger person for it.
I’ve falling back a bit into — I’m just going to say it — self-hatred. That’s really been the hardest part to overcome. People suck, and will let you down in the worst ways, that’s always a constant. I understand that. People are human. But, it’s hating myself through this process that has been so difficult.
I understand everyone is going to want to throw help at me. I’m sorry. I really just don’t want it right now. Give me time. I don’t know if I’m going through the grief cycle, but apathy is really where I am right now. I just want to stay numb for a bit.
And, no. It doesn’t matter what happened. Just a bunch of crap back to back.
I’ll get back to my happy, motivational, perseverance, warrior self. I just need a minute.