Normal is a double edged sword

Count me in the normal category again, if by only one crappy thing. I have never rejoiced and cringed at the some time before. I did today!

Tmi alert. I’m gifting you the knowledge that tabu subject matter is coming up right now!

*Fair warning … look away*

After TEN months of not having my period, after being told I had gone through early menopause, I *kind of* started my period today. Believe you me, I wrote this day in my calendar, because it is one more step to normal, which the doctors counted as done. Doctors are NOT always right … even the best ones.

*yippeeeeeee*

I never thought I’d be happy to have blood coming out my vagina, but I can’t explain to you how elated I was! That was quickly followed by Oh crap. Which was then followed by elation again.

*Oh crap!*

See, it’s not like I want more kids. In fact, I’ve been told not to have any, because the chemo altered my DNA. Then there is the whole oral immunosuppressant. Who knows what damage that is doing. But, I feel like a half-way normal woman for my age again! 

Just that minute amount of blood, three times I might add, made me smile. You don’t know what it’s like to think it’s just all over. To think you’ve been forced, again, into something you have no control over is dehumanizing. I rejoice and welcome the cramps this month. If my brain can remember to start my period (I don’t remember, does the brain do that? If not, don’t tell me. Let me live this fantasy!) … if my brain can coordinate my period to start, maybe there’s hope for my walking and talking.

*The brain bone’s connected to the uterus bone. The nose bone’s connected to the face bone …*

Thank you, Jesus, for small, disgusting miracles!! I could jump for joy! I’m on my way to becoming human again! Hooray for blood!!

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