Days of fun

Lately I do this FUN thing where, when someone really asks me how I’m doing, I start to cry. What the heck! How embarrassing is this. I mean, I can pull off the, “I’m fine,” with no problem. It’s when someone really, sincerely asks me, I lose it. It might be possible I am shoving some of this deep down, and ignoring the fact that sometimes I don’t feel I’m getting any better. 

Stroke picture
Yep. I’ve still got deficits. Deal with it!

You know, when it gets too far past an event, and people forget, don’t care, or just don’t want to hear it anymore. That’s where I am, in that awkward stage of limbo … not nearly well, but “sick” for too long. No, I’m not okay, but nobody wants to head that. In my head they are rolling their eyes and thinking “Gosh, she is always so dang negative!” I don’t want to be that person. So I stay cooped up in my house so people don’t have to see me, talk to me, and face the elephant in the room … the one that says I am 42 and can’t be normal. I can’t drive, walk, take care of my kids, heck … hold my fricken bladder (keeping it real). I don’t look like I used to. Not only has the fricken Prednisone made me FAT, it has changed my features a bit. 


Beautiful weather
Today was the perfect day, I would have missed if Stella hadn’t run off.

I hate complaining. I am lucky I’m still here. I’m lucky I get to be around my wild children. I’m lucky my dog ran off today, forcing me to sit outside with the sun, the blue sky, the breeze, and all the beauty. It felt good just to breathe the fresh air (Crisis averted, by the way … mom came out of her house and got the dog). I’m lucky I still have friends that check on me, and love me without expecting anything in return.

In other news … someone give me something else to talk about!!!

I knew if I took a day off writing, it would be hard to get back into it. I’m not talking about writing a blog, I’m talking about writing articles or my 5000 word experiment. I was going to start project get-up-early and get-things-done today. Nope!! ROTFL! –That’s not exactly true. I did try to pick up in the front room  a little, and I had two guests over for a bit. So, I did SOMETHING more than I usually do. But I had a list of like 20 things to do. I checked off like 2 things. Oh well, you know what, at least I checked off two things. I didn’t sleep all day … that’s better than I usually do!! Tomorrow is a new day. I have OT early, so maybe TOMORROW is the day I will start to get stuff done!! 

I know long blogs are boring, so I will end here. Remember to stay kind. When you want to get exasperated with somebody remember, they are human too with their own things going on. How can you help them instead of being frustrated with them? 💜

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  1. Great read today, once again!!
    I can relate 1000%. It’s hard friend. N all these years later, there are days I still will break down too (when someone is sincerely asking if I’m ok)…all the counseling in the world just any change the fact I’ll never be who i once was, and having to accept this new self as “myself”.
    I swear friend, I wish I lived closer to you, to be of more help…. we both have a lot of similar qualities that’s for sure! I too have found this last year has been the hardest, and it so sick of having to say (when asked if I’m ok) “I’m hanging my here “, when the truth Is I’m two seconds from losing what’s left of my sanity. So I too just choose to stay awAy as much as I can. ALSO, b/c people r cruel n hurtful… they really think we enjoy being ill? Or changed? OR constantly obsessing about what we can do to fix us?
    Yeah……i get it.
    But ya know, ur injury is still fresh friend, and I can def say ur being too hard on yourself. After all ur brain is slowly learning n rebuilding new pathways each day friend. Day by day ur gonna get stronger I know it.
    Thank God for Him consistenty providing the family or friends that can love us freely w/o expectations.
    im finding that sitting in the sunshine is really helping me want to get out of the house more, and seems to help my pain a little bit too…..and setting just one personsl n silebt goal fof myself each day, that way noone can hound or remind me abt it n i get it done at my own pace as long as i get it done i feel accomplished for the day. if i feel well enough ill set two goals, everything else is just a bonus ys know? its all abt baby steps, and owning what ur feeling n making positive steps to overcome all the negative aspects of the disability or deficiets!
    im so proud if u mandy!!! keep writing girl! i love it, n it has helped me so much knowing there is someone else dealing w/life like i am lol, even though it sucks for both of us…..i still trust His plans for our lives! jerimiah 29:11
    love u!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I ❤️ You! Thanks for the words of encouragement. I’m sorry we are both going through such rough stuff!!


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