Blocked

Stream of consciousness: 

*What’s the light in the hall? A mere security blanket wrapping the kids in peace as they sleep. Does the light serve a functional purpose at 3am? Only to quiet the fears of a child awoken by a dream.  A stream of far of places, of monsters and dragons. The light anchors them back to reality. It reminds them of the here and now. It quietly declares to them that dreams are stories that stay in the mind, only to be released by those who dare reveal their secrets. 

*It happens in slow motion in my brain. My foot catches on the cord, the leg locks back, the food goes flying forward as I stretch to the pain to retrieve it to no avail. I go down. Slowly to my knees. Slowly to my arms. My belly hits, followed by my head. The world starts moving at regular speed, like a film that has glitched for a fraction of a second. I look around from my setting on the floor. The world is slightly canted, much like a snapshot of my life during this season. The food has flown off the plate, hitting the wall with gusto. The plate is missing, swallowed up by the darkness past which I can not see. The only sound is that of distant canned laughter coming from the television in the room down the hall, and the whirring white noise of the drier on the back porch. I take a quick mental assessment of my situation to see if I am hurt beyond my pride. I will be bruised, but that is nothing new. Beyond that, I think I am whole. 

*The television is on, but it is more of a distraction. I couldn’t tell you what is on, nor could I name the channel on which it has landed. It’s just noise. I need the noise. It helps the memories, anger, regret, and sadness stay at bay. It buries the madness below the surface, not allowing its voice to be heard. Noise. It covers me in a blanket of safety, keeping the unwanted away for a spell.

*The lady turns around and glares at me. I am confused, even a bit frightened maybe. Her demeanor does not fit the situation, and my body immediately senses the fracture in the atmosphere. I stop placing my items on the conveyor belt, but they continue to move forward, guided by an invisible electrical force. What happens next is like a bad dream coming to a head. …..

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Bullet Journaling. It’s a Thing!

You’ve heard of bullet journaling? Tonight we are playing bullet blogging!! Enjoy!!

  • Had OT today. Thought it was my last. Nope! She scheduled me for 8 more!! And she gave me exercises like writing on paper for 20 minutes a day, taking a walk daily in the neighborhood, driving on a curvy road short distances with an adult passenger, and yoga. I am pretty sure she is trying to kill me!
  • I wrote my version of a funny 400 word article today. I don’t have a funny bone in this body, so it will be interesting the reaction I get.
  • How do y’all plan your days and stick with it? There is so much I want to do, and so much I HAVE to do, and none of it is getting done.

I adore the person who sent me this. I will meet her someday, even if I have to fly to Australia to do so!! We can eat Vegimite and Tam Tams, and she can take me to the pool at the pub. Then I’ll meet broody chicken and the mooless cows!

  • I have to go to parent teacher night AGAIN tomorrow. This time it’s for Natalie. I haven’t actually met her teacher, so this might be good. 
  • I have my last chemo this week. Yay!! Then they will talk about putting me on an oral immunosuppressant. Boo.
  • You know what my kids had for dinner: open-faced peanut butter sandwiches, half an apple, cucumbers, and carrots. #winning #reallydidnthavetheenergytofightwiththemtonight
  • I keep thinking of more I have to do — call speech therapist about Andrew, call on J’s student loans, clip dog’s nails, frickin’ project, rearrange kitchen so I can get to things, renew placard, go to Disney World (How did that get in there? ๐Ÿ˜) …
  • Nat needs glasses. ๐Ÿ˜ณ That’s all I have to say about that. Want to take bets on how soon she loses them/breaks them?
  • J has to work Super Bowl Sunday. He never works Sunday. What the heck? It’s not like we would have watched the game anyway. But, the food. Let’s get real, I’m not making a football feast this year either.

This is just a randomly placed picture, because he’s hot. Not like sweaty, hot. More like, I want to sneak a kiss, hot. His girlfriend would be MAD!

  • If my family gets me sick one day before chemo ๐Ÿ˜ท, I will cut them ๐Ÿ”ช. Okay, not really, but I will be immensely irritated.
  • It’s 2:05am. I’m tired, and going to bed!!

    ๐Ÿ’œPay love forward always! Answer people with a smile on your face! A little goes a long way. ๐Ÿ’œ